Happy Birthday Ty (3 months ago)

 I can't believe this sweet little guy is 3 years old. That is just too old! He can now go to preschool, play on soccer leagues and he even has his own opinion. I love that he is growing and learning, I just hate how quickly its going by. 

 To celebrate his special day we had family over the night before. Homemade pizza and balloons on every chair were his two requests. Oh and lots of presents, cars to be specific. :)

The kids had a lot of fun trying to get the pinyata down, we all took turns (even adults)

Balloons on every chair, as requested.

For his actual birthday we got grandma to watch Sadie and took the boys on a train ride. They loved it. We could've just chilled on it all day and Ty would've been so happy.

He could not stop looking out the window. It was so sweet to hear him name everything he saw and to be so happy. We got some lunch and went to Thanksgiving Point to see the animals, eat and play.

                          

I know I say this a lot but Ty is the sweetest little boy. He really cares about others and is so aware of what goes on around him. I love that he came first because I know he is going to watch out for his younger siblings. He makes me laugh every day with the funny things he says: "Mom its not easy" or "Mom its not fair" "I love our house" "I love you mommy" (atleast 20 times a day!) and "We are the Wilson Family"  There are so many other phrases and things he says but those are some of my favorite. I know I am posting this a few months late but I just have to say that about a month after his birthday he finally became potty trained, all day and all night! It has made a huge difference only having two in diapers now, I love it!

         

Mr. Ty

 Ty has so much personality and is HILARIOUS. There is not a better word to describe him because he cracks me up every single day. He is 2 going on 20. He bosses Gabe around all day and talks to Sadie like he is her dad. Anything I do or say to him he thinks he can say back to me. He tells me to "chill" and to "stop that" He has also started shushing me when I say something he doesn't want to hear. I know I shouldn't laugh, but it is so funny!

 His vocabulary is great and when he hears a new word he never forgets it. His memory is out of control and he holds you to anything you say to him. He also loves to tell stories. He starts with "Once upon a time.." and finishes with "the end" The other night he was saying his prayers and got so into it that he forgot he was praying and thought he was telling a story and said "the end" instead of "amen" (he says maner for amen) He knows his full name and loves to say it. He also knows everyone in our family's full name (including middle name)

Ty has found some new interests lately like dressing up, building forts, counting everything he sees, coloring and drawing, reading and rereading the same book over and over. He loves loves loves to play outside, especially in the sand box. He still loves to help and is always asking if he can go work with daddy or help me with something around the house (especially if he can get some money to put in his piggy bank) 

One of his favorite things right now is to hold Sadie, it lasts for about 5 seconds but he asks numerous times during the day. I am amazed at how much he understands, even teasing and sarcasm. So many times during the day something funny will happen and Ty will look at me and we will just start laughing. In those moments he feels more like a friend, and I love that. 

His smile and laugh are contagious. He is the best big brother to Gabe and Sadie. He is my sensitive, obedient, sweet, caring boy. I feel so very blessed to have him call me mom.

Newborn Sadie

Well, she was really 5 weeks old. We had to wait until she was out of the hospital and then a couple more weeks until it was safe for her to be around other people. I seriously wanted to post every single one. I cannot get enough of this girl!

Sadie's Story Part 2

THE NICU

As hard as it was to watch Sadie get admitted, I was SO grateful that she was staying at the same hospital as me so that I could be with her while I was a patient there. I was also thankful that we lived closer to this one so the commute back and forth wouldn't be too bad. 

I never took a picture of Sadie on CPAP, but she was on it for the first day and a half. Later on the second day they took it off and she seemed to be doing pretty well. That night though she relapsed and had to go back on. They also had to give her another dose of that medicine to help her lungs again. I hated seeing her have to go back on that thing, and that also meant I couldn't hold her. Things started to get worse when the doctor came into our room and said if she couldn't keep her levels up being on CPAP they were going to transfer her to Utah Valley and put her on a ventilator. Oh and to add to it all he also said to not talk by her or even touch her because those things agitated her and made her respiratory rate go high. It was so much to take in, in such little time. Hours before all this she was just on oxygen and seemed to be doing great! I didn't know what to think, all I could do was call my mom and just cry to her. She immediately sent out  a text to our family who all prayed for our little Sadie and some members even started a special fast.

 That was a very long night. I couldn't fall asleep, so I would go into the NICU but just cry looking at her struggle and not being able to hold her, touch her, or even talk to her. Needless to say, it was awful. BUT on the other hand, it was the first time in my life that I have really felt the love and prayers of those aware of our situation. I felt so much peace, and just knew that whatever happened it was going to be okay. 

The next morning she was still not doing great. There were a few specialist from Utah Valley that kept calling in wanting updates on her to see if they were going to transfer her. Sadie's nurse and the respiratory therapist were watching Sadie and realizing that she was going to get transfered they just felt like they should try and take her off CPAP and see what she would do. Well I walked in right when the therapist took her off and she was holding her (which I freaked out for a second because she hadn't been held in 24 hours, and I didn't know what was going on) but Sadie was stable. She was off the breathing tube, being held, and stable. A MIRACLE. I literally broke down. So thankful for those inspired women that decided to do that right before she was gonna get transfered and put on a ventilator! I was also so thankful for my family and friends that were praying so hard for Sadie, I know she was being watched over, and like I said earlier I literally felt those prayers.

 We could not get enough of holding her. There is nothing worse than not being able to hold your own baby, but there is nothing better than being able to hold your baby after going through that.

After the scary night and day, Sadie literally slept for like three days. She wouldn't take any oral feedings or wake up for anything. She was so exhausted. 

For the next three weeks we went through the whole process again of getting her home. Lots of ups and downs, especially with feedings. But she never had to go back on CPAP and was always progressing in some way.

 The nurses loved were obsessed with her hair. I wish I would have taken more pictures because she had a new hair do every time I came in. So many nurses and doctors there would talk about Sadie and how she was a little fighter. She stayed at the hospital longer than everyone thought she would but we were still all amazed how she fought through the rough patch in the beginning and just kept getting better. 

 When it was time for Sadie to come home Ty and Gabe both had RSV. Perfect timing, right? Because of that Sadie had a 95% chance of getting RSV too. We were terrified that we were going to bring her home for a day or two and then bring her right back to the hospital. My amazing mom took our boys for 5 days, while they were the most contagious, in hoping that Sadie wouldn't get it. And she didn't.

I don't know how we would've gone through this again if it wasn't for my family and friends. They watched our boys for us, brought meals over, helped with the house, brought our boys to the hospital so they could see Sadie through the window and so many other things. I feel so lucky to be surrounded by amazing people that reached out and helped in so many ways.

Sadie's Story part 1

Saturday, February 2nd: After of month of just awfulness, I was finally able to get off bed rest and those terrible pills that helped to stop my contractions. Everyone thought I was going to go into labor that weekend, but I knew I wouldn't. In fact, I was seriously so sure that I wasn't going to go until my due date, which was still a month away...

Sunday, February 3rd: I felt totally fine, went to church for the first time in a long time and had family dinner at my parents. Before I left I made a joke about going into labor that night, but knew it wasn't going to really happen.

A few hours later on Monday, February 4th: It was around 12:30am and I started getting irregular contractions, I had a funny thought to go set up the car seat that I had just taken apart the day before to wash down and get ready for the baby to come home in. I just laughed at the thought and went to bed. One hour later I woke up with a very painful contraction. I laid in bed for about another two minutes until I had another one. I got up and starting pacing while another one came and another. My body instantly started feeling super nervous (like it always does when I am in labor) it's so weird how your body just knows what is going on. I got in the tub and started timing them exactly and they were about 2 minutes apart. I got out and asked Dan to say a prayer for me, we decided getting to the hospital asap was probably the safest thing with my history. 

We called a neighbor and he was over in 5 minutes so we didn't have to worry about the boys. When I got to the hospital I was dilated to a 4. They watched me for an hour and I progressed to a 4 1/2 and then an hour later I was a 5 so they decided to admit me because apparantely I was having a baby today! What?? I was in complete denial. I really thought I was going to beat the odds and be pregnant for another month. Even an hour later when I was getting an epidural I remember telling Dan that I really thought I wasn't going to have her today. The doctor came in and broke my water and two hours later I was ready to push. When my doctor came in and started getting ready to deliver her it finally hit me that we were going to have our baby girl today. I started crying. I just couldn't believe she was coming and I was so nervous that she wasn't fully developed or something was going to go wrong. I just didn't feel ready for whatever was going to happen. I started pushing and less than two minutes later she was here.

It was amazing to be so close to her and to hold her right after I delivered. I kept telling myself she looks healthy, she is breathing and crying, you are going to bring her home with you. The NICU team was in there to evaluate and watch her closely because she was early and we had a history. They weighed her 6lbs 4 oz and 19 inches long. She was a big girl for coming a month early, which was a great sign! I started feeling hopeful that everything would be normal. But after all that was done they just kept watching her. They would watch her breaths and then look at each other and whisper something. I kept telling myself that everything would be fine. I did everything I was supposed to. Took those pills every stinkin day and didn't get off the couch for that whole month. I even got two steroid shots that were supposed to help her lungs develop quicker. So why? Why did something seem wrong?

They took her downstairs to watch her closely and by the time I got down there she was already on CPAP. So many memories rushed through my mind of being at the hospital with Gabe and him having to keep going back on CPAP. Don't get me wrong, I am SO thankful for what hospitals can do. They have saved ALL of my children. I just didn't want to go down that road. Again.

Sadie's doctor came in and took a look at her chest xray and her breathing and decided she needed this medicine that helps your lungs to fully expand when you breathe, because even being on CPAP she was struggling. The medicine helped, she continued to stay on the CPAP and got admitted to the NICU.

My heart was broken. Not for me and what we would have to go through having a baby in the NICU. My heart was broken for Sadie. That she would have to stay at the hospital while we went home and get pricked every day for lab tests and have a tube down her throat to feed and not be able to meet her brothers until she got home and have an IV needle in her little arm and just so many things that she was going to have to go through. And to have to go through that without her mom being there with her the whole time. That's probably the hardest thing for me, is the guilt I feel in that. Feeling like I am not doing all that I can because no matter what I try to do, I can't be with Sadie every second of every day when she is in the hospital. One thing that has brought me comfort is a talk I read in the Ensign. In it was said that little babies in the hospital have guardian angels all around watching over them. I truly believe that.

Safe and Sound

Now that Sadie is home from the hospital I can finally announce that we had our baby girl! She is already 3 weeks old and had a rough start to life, that is why she spent her first three weeks in the NICU. We are so happy to have her home and get to know her better. Birth story and other craziness to come!

34 Weeks

The goal was to make it to 34 weeks and we did it! I am actually almost 35 weeks so things are looking really good. I have been on bed rest for two weeks now and it's been a lot harder than I thought. I never thought I would cry because I couldn't change Ty's diaper or go get Gabe a sippy. It's been a daily battle, not just physically but also mentally. As a mom it's hard not to get down on yourself and feel like you aren't doing all that you should. On the good side, we have had unbelievable help from our neighbors and family. I seriously don't know how we could've gotten through these last two weeks without them, and I only have a week and a half left of bed rest so we are making progress!