Sadie's Story part 1

Saturday, February 2nd: After of month of just awfulness, I was finally able to get off bed rest and those terrible pills that helped to stop my contractions. Everyone thought I was going to go into labor that weekend, but I knew I wouldn't. In fact, I was seriously so sure that I wasn't going to go until my due date, which was still a month away...

Sunday, February 3rd: I felt totally fine, went to church for the first time in a long time and had family dinner at my parents. Before I left I made a joke about going into labor that night, but knew it wasn't going to really happen.

A few hours later on Monday, February 4th: It was around 12:30am and I started getting irregular contractions, I had a funny thought to go set up the car seat that I had just taken apart the day before to wash down and get ready for the baby to come home in. I just laughed at the thought and went to bed. One hour later I woke up with a very painful contraction. I laid in bed for about another two minutes until I had another one. I got up and starting pacing while another one came and another. My body instantly started feeling super nervous (like it always does when I am in labor) it's so weird how your body just knows what is going on. I got in the tub and started timing them exactly and they were about 2 minutes apart. I got out and asked Dan to say a prayer for me, we decided getting to the hospital asap was probably the safest thing with my history. 

We called a neighbor and he was over in 5 minutes so we didn't have to worry about the boys. When I got to the hospital I was dilated to a 4. They watched me for an hour and I progressed to a 4 1/2 and then an hour later I was a 5 so they decided to admit me because apparantely I was having a baby today! What?? I was in complete denial. I really thought I was going to beat the odds and be pregnant for another month. Even an hour later when I was getting an epidural I remember telling Dan that I really thought I wasn't going to have her today. The doctor came in and broke my water and two hours later I was ready to push. When my doctor came in and started getting ready to deliver her it finally hit me that we were going to have our baby girl today. I started crying. I just couldn't believe she was coming and I was so nervous that she wasn't fully developed or something was going to go wrong. I just didn't feel ready for whatever was going to happen. I started pushing and less than two minutes later she was here.

It was amazing to be so close to her and to hold her right after I delivered. I kept telling myself she looks healthy, she is breathing and crying, you are going to bring her home with you. The NICU team was in there to evaluate and watch her closely because she was early and we had a history. They weighed her 6lbs 4 oz and 19 inches long. She was a big girl for coming a month early, which was a great sign! I started feeling hopeful that everything would be normal. But after all that was done they just kept watching her. They would watch her breaths and then look at each other and whisper something. I kept telling myself that everything would be fine. I did everything I was supposed to. Took those pills every stinkin day and didn't get off the couch for that whole month. I even got two steroid shots that were supposed to help her lungs develop quicker. So why? Why did something seem wrong?

They took her downstairs to watch her closely and by the time I got down there she was already on CPAP. So many memories rushed through my mind of being at the hospital with Gabe and him having to keep going back on CPAP. Don't get me wrong, I am SO thankful for what hospitals can do. They have saved ALL of my children. I just didn't want to go down that road. Again.

Sadie's doctor came in and took a look at her chest xray and her breathing and decided she needed this medicine that helps your lungs to fully expand when you breathe, because even being on CPAP she was struggling. The medicine helped, she continued to stay on the CPAP and got admitted to the NICU.

My heart was broken. Not for me and what we would have to go through having a baby in the NICU. My heart was broken for Sadie. That she would have to stay at the hospital while we went home and get pricked every day for lab tests and have a tube down her throat to feed and not be able to meet her brothers until she got home and have an IV needle in her little arm and just so many things that she was going to have to go through. And to have to go through that without her mom being there with her the whole time. That's probably the hardest thing for me, is the guilt I feel in that. Feeling like I am not doing all that I can because no matter what I try to do, I can't be with Sadie every second of every day when she is in the hospital. One thing that has brought me comfort is a talk I read in the Ensign. In it was said that little babies in the hospital have guardian angels all around watching over them. I truly believe that.

Safe and Sound

Now that Sadie is home from the hospital I can finally announce that we had our baby girl! She is already 3 weeks old and had a rough start to life, that is why she spent her first three weeks in the NICU. We are so happy to have her home and get to know her better. Birth story and other craziness to come!

34 Weeks

The goal was to make it to 34 weeks and we did it! I am actually almost 35 weeks so things are looking really good. I have been on bed rest for two weeks now and it's been a lot harder than I thought. I never thought I would cry because I couldn't change Ty's diaper or go get Gabe a sippy. It's been a daily battle, not just physically but also mentally. As a mom it's hard not to get down on yourself and feel like you aren't doing all that you should. On the good side, we have had unbelievable help from our neighbors and family. I seriously don't know how we could've gotten through these last two weeks without them, and I only have a week and a half left of bed rest so we are making progress!

Made it to 33 weeks!

Well, barely made it.
Last week was seriously crazy. On Monday I had my normal 32 week appointment. Heartbeat sounded great, and everything else seemed to be going well. As the doctor kept talking to me though and the more questions he asked we both felt like maybe I should be checked just to make sure I wasn't dilated. I really didn't think I was but when he checked me I was at a 2. In a lot of pregnancies that may not be a big deal, but with my history it was. So I had to come back the next day to do a test to see if my possibility of having her in the next two weeks was high and they wanted to check me again. Luckily I was still a 2 and the test came back negative so I only had a 2% chance of having her in the next week or so. Before I left the office my doctor said that I should take it easy and that if I had more than 6 contractions in an hour that I needed to go straight to the hospital. Two nights later Dan and I were up playing tetris and I started paying attention to how close my contractions were getting. I had 8 in 23 minutes and they were starting to get more intense with each one. What really started scaring me was how my body just suddenly felt so nervous and I couldn't stop shaking. We called my mom and decided that I should go and get checked, especially since this was the EXACT day I had Gabe when I was pregnant with him. My dad ran over and stayed with the boys while we ran to the hospital. I really thought we would be in an out but after getting me hooked up to everything they checked me and I was at a 3... not what I wanted to hear. They decided to give me a shot to help slow down the contractions, which they did but I was still having them every 5 minutes or so. After a few hours of being there they decided they wanted to keep me for 24 hours, I was not expecting that at all! They got me set up in a room and had everything ready just in case I had her. They even hooked me up to an IV and gave me the antibiotics I need when I have a baby. I also got two steroid shots to help the babies lung develop quicker. Those 24 hours were awful. It was hard to have to lay in the bed all day, have those two monitors strapped to my stomach, and all the side effects I was having from the pills was making it so I couldn't fall asleep. And I missed my boys, so so much. As hard as it was there were a few good things that happened. 1. My mom came by with the boys for awhile so I got to spend some time with them. 2. My nurse let me walk around for 5 minutes. 3. I had the best chicken salad croissant sandwich for lunch, I have been craving it ever since!
Friday evening they let me go home, I can't explain how relieved I was. I was terrified they were going to make me stay another 24 hours. Since I have been home its been rough, but I can't say enough how grateful I am to be at home instead of at the hospital. I am on full bed rest, which is teaching me so many things and I really am trying to see the good out of all of this. 1. My baby is healthy and safe and still growing inside of me. 2. I have the most amazing husband who has stepped up and been playing Dad and Mom without one complaint. 3. We have the greatest ward who has been bringing meals over every night and helping Dan watch the boys during the day so he can work.
As hard as this time is, I really do feel so blessed.

Christmas Day

I was so so so excited for Christmas morning this year. I wake up all the time during the night because of pregnancy but Christmas Eve night I was tossing and turning with butterflies, I woke up at 6 am and couldn't go back to sleep! I seriously wanted to wake the boys up so I could see their reactions to all the fun gifts they got. Of course they both slept in til almost 9am.

Christmas Morning was the best part of the day. I loved just being together with Dan and our two boys, watching them opening their gifts and enjoying Ty saying "Oh Boy!" and "Oh my gosh!" to everything he got. Gabe caught on really quick and started copying what Ty was doing.

We are very lucky to live close to both of our parents so were able to split the day and see both sides of our family. It was a very long day for the boys, but we enjoyed seeing the people we love most and making fun memories.

Going Private

I keep thinking its time to go private, so I am finally going to do it. Leave your email address if you want an invite, and let me know who you are so I will add you. :) I am thinking about doing what a lot of other people have done and that is to keep this one to let you know when I have updated and then post everything on a new blog.

Let It Snow

 We have been LOVING the snow! Little helper Ty is always trying to see what he can do. Gabe had a hard time walking around in his fluffy coat, he didn't last very long.

 We built our first snowman! It was actually really big, probably 8/9ft tall. But it was slanted and fell over just after an hour or so. Dan went back out and decided to do a "Big Butt Snowman" the kids loved it!

I think he deserves some sort of an award for best profile or best body.