The NICU

Its only taken me three months to write about the longest 37 days of my life, Gabe being in the NICU. This was a trying time for our little family. I had been debating if I really wanted to go down this road again, remember how my heart felt torn into so many tiny pieces because I couldn't be with my two boys at the same time, and every day I had to leave my little newborn in the care of some different nurse. I felt like I was dreaming. That car ride became so repetitive that I could've closed my eyes and driven there safely.

Gabe was life-flighted to Utah Valley a couple of hours after he was born. Our helpless little Gabe depending on all the machines, monitors and IV's to keep him going and become stronger. He was on the ventilator for the first day but did so good that they took him off and put him on the CPAP. He also had therapy lights on and off for the first couple of weeks.

We weren't allowed to hold Gabe in the beginning, this was really hard for me. It was hard to be with him and not able to cuddle and comfort him. After a couple of days I got permission to hold him for 15 minutes. Slowly the time went up to where I could hold him for 30 minutes each time I was able to get there.

Holding him was like medicine that took away all my stress. I couldn't get enough of it. Not just because I felt like I was never with him but also I yearned to feel like I was his mom. I mean, I knew I was his mom but it was hard to feel it, to feel that bond that a mother has with her newborn baby. I would hold him for 30 minutes and then have to leave him there and life would just go on.

Gabe is a little fighter. Within a week and a half he was off the CPAP and just on oxygen. All of us couldn't believe how fast he was progressing. He got moved over to Nursery B which is a really big deal. They mainly focus on feedings (which is a very long and stressful ordeal) and once they have that down and there are no other major problems they can go home.

Gabe did have a relapse at one point. We were getting close to going home but then his oxygen levels weren't looking too good. They did an x-ray and his lungs looked really hazy. We had to go back to Nursery A and he was put back on High Flow Oxygen. We couldn't do any oral feedings. Huge setback and really frustrating but after 5 days Gabe started breathing better and got put on normal oxygen so we were able to start the feeding process once again.

We finally had a chance to bring Ty to the NICU to meet his little brother for the first time. Ty was too young to be able to go inside so they met through a window. This picture is priceless. Even though Ty was only 13 months old it was like he knew this was his brother and he loved him.

Things started getting a lot better once I decided to pump and bottle feed instead of breast feed. Gabe caught on so quick to using the bottle. Once this happened things started to pick up and then all the sudden he was coming home in a few days! I thought I would have a hard time saying goodbye to that place. I was very thankful for the NICU that was Gabe's home for the last 5 weeks. But when the time came to take our baby home I didn't even look back.

As hard as this time was, I am truly thankful for it. I grew so much as a person, a wife, and a mother. I am so happy to have my two healthy boys at home with me. There has been a lot of craziness and adjusting but I cant complain, my heart finally feels like one whole piece again.